Sleepless in Seddon

Of course you all thought I would cleverly slip into Sleepless in Seattle.  The obvious inference in the title. 

But, given the arc of Tom and Meg's farcical little fairy tale, it couldn't be further from my current situation.  I searched the Google galleries for a suitably terrifying image to match my current 'Sleepless in Melbourne' mind place.  I could find nothing sickening enough to come even close to what I am coping with here in sodden Seddon, next to the goods yard and country rail express way for mile long freight trains, below the Geelong Road flyover, on the slip route for every noisy heavy transport vehicle leaving the Melbourne dockyards and looking to save 2 minutes.

I appear to have lost the will to sleep, along with all other interests and motivation.  I am happy to collapse with exhaustion any time of day or night.  The doona covered sofa is only two steps from ANYWHERE in my shoebox.  But until that point of mental, physical or emotional collapse arrives I sit, lie, mooch, ooze through the fog of the day (or night), wondering 'what' and 'why'.  I suppose I should be grateful the question of 'who' was taken away quite some time ago.  I think the 'now' is Wednesday.  It is 6:00 am according to the computer.  That means it was Tuesday night when I took a break on the couch at 6:30pm and woke at 8:30pm.   Made some cheese on toast and watched some Youtubes then some Netflicks.  At some stage I started another book but my mind wouldn't focus.  As my eyes followed the words on auto-pilot, my mind was taking me through scenes from the past.  I had turned 3 leafs and have no idea what I have 'read'.  "Put it down".  Time for a coffee and jam on toast and another movie.  I got on the PC about 4:00am and here I still am at 7:00am.

On Sunday I met a friend (client) to discuss 'fixing' lotsa their Word documents.   I took a usb stick of files and started working on them about 4:30pm Sunday evening.   I had several long breaks during the night but I didn't sleep.  On Monday I continued working on the files and the project.  I stopped around midnight but didn't sleep.  Just watched TV until around 6:00am.  Sleep.  Finally.  I woke about 10:45 and delivered the 'fixed' files to the client, at their home.  Lovely place.  Definitely jealous.  We talked for almost 2 hours then I left with more files and more info about the project goals.  I filled the afternoon with web work for another 'client' then back to the file conversions.  I mentioned above, I stopped around 6:30 and had 2 hours sleep.

So here I am at 7:15 in the early grey of a new day.  My head thinks I am on the deck of a boat instead of an office chair.  My mind thinks the desk is occasionally moving under my typing hands.  But still I cannot see the point of sleeping.  Seriously, literally, I cannot form a thought or image that says sleeping will be good.  That sleeping will feel good.  Why bother.  I'm only going to wake up again some time and nothing will have changed.  I think curfew has finished (5:00am?).  I could go for a walk. Yeah.  Roight.  Coffee and toast time.  I wonder if there is any butter at the supermarket.


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