Tony Van Winkle

Well not 20 years asleep but certainly 7 days.

Apart from three mail runs and one supermarket run I have been in the cave in the dark and on the couch for 7 days.  I lie!  Sorry, not intended.  I had an adventure on Monday morning.

Several weeks ago I decided I felt like shit because I was eating shit.  Knowing this really didn't make any difference because shit is easy to buy and requires no preparation.  I couldn't be bothered putting in any effort to do anything good for me.  But one night my total apathy played out for the good.  The effort to press the 'OK' button on the remote was a step too far.  So I didn't skip the ad on YouTube.  "DINNERLY"!  Home delivery of simple to prepare meals.  Six meals for me (3 x double serves for normal people) for $50 ish.  First three orders were $20 off (each order).  What the hell.  Give it a go.  I can easily waste $50 on a midnight chocolates run to the local garage.  Uber pizza meal is $30.  6 meals delivered to the door.  Enables my need not to leave the flat.  Bring it on.

I'm often awake all night so I made the delivery slot Monday morning, between midnight and 7:00 am.  On Sunday night I got a friendly reminder that my delivery was on its way, to 4/180 Geelong Road.  Thanks.  I ignored it and settled in to watch more TV.  Niggle, Niggle.  My mind was working on something and about 30 minutes later it hit me.  I LIVE AT 4/181!!!  A fuck!  Never mind, I will go over and collect in the morning from the friendly tenants.  We'll have a giggle.  Watch TV.  Niggle, Niggle.  Looked at Google Maps and discovered 180 is an empty block on the far side of the Geelong Road bridge and rail yards.  Double fuck!!

So at 11:50 pm Sunday night, I don the warm jacket, grab the iPhone, iPad and copy of the notification email.  12:00 ish I arrive outside a block that is now a building site.  A house is well on its way to completion.  Park the car, open the driver window, fire up the iPad and watch 'Kingdom of Heaven'.  About 1:30 am the van arrives, a puzzled Indian driver accepts my story and I take delivery of dinner box.  Yes I have corrected my address in my account.  Dickhead!!

I put everything in the fridge, climbed under the covers on the couch and fell asleep.  Woke about 10:30, took my drugs and lay back down.


1 Comment

  1. Kerry26/10/2020

    Looking forward to the results of your guided preparations.


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