Where the hell are ya?

I looked at my site the other day.  Why? I don't know.  Maybe 'cos I had nothing else to do.  I click on the front page link and nothing came up.  Oh shit! Its broken.  Then I realised.  I was looking at the page that shows the activity for the last 7 days.  Nothing happened in 7 days?!?!?  Nah! More like 2 weeks and no posts.  What the hell had I been doing and where had I been?  Simple. Sleeping on the couch.  Captn Gunna is an expert procrastinator but that two weeks wasn't procrastination.  It was total shutdown.  I had not even bothered to look for things to procrastinate about.  I considered the option that I might have been depressed last year and people might have been tempted to say 'snap out of it', 'move on'.  Covid has been a godsend.  I can be as miserable as sin and it is an accepted condition now.  When I spend a week between showers and clean clothes, no one thinks it strange or pathetic.  Silly! Obviously no one knows.   When everyone else is working from home in onesies, watching the tv in the lounge all day and the world is stagnating outside the window, my despair and self pity is de rigueur.

We have had some very cold and wet days (and nights) lately.  Great excuse not to go out. Not that I need a reason to stay in.  I am finding it harder and harder to "want to" go out.  Running short of food? Buy a $50 Indian meal with large bottle of coke.   Delivered to the door.  That can last me three days.  I am not frightened to go out.  I haven't got one of the phobias. I just cant be bothered.  The circuit in my brain that sends me outside for stuff has just shut down.  No bread and crackers?  Just eat the tuna straight from the can.  No milk for cereal, just make porridge.  No coke, drink water!!  Now that's desperation.  Twice a week I force myself out to check the mail at a friends house.  I might take that opportunity to visit the little Chinese owned supermarket for bread, milk, chocolate bars, and baked beans. Uhmmm.  Do baked beans work on porridge?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to top