Where were you?

I have been asleep since Xmas.  Leaving the flat and travelling to central Victoria obviously exhausted me.  I have been constantly tired ever since.

Where have I been?  I honestly do not know.  I think I have surrendered to the golem who seeks to keep me safe in the flat.  I no longer know what day it is or what time of day it is when I wake.  You know about my accidental breakfasts, following each haircut debacle.  I finally made it and the Mr Baldy is back.  Let us hope I am not mistaken for my namesake and chemically castrated.  But no loss really.  Well on that joyous day I was feeling well pleased with myself.  The sun was out, the roof was down, I dropped my drug order off and headed to the supermarket while they were prepared.  I parked the car, reached for my phone to stop the music and pause to allow the beautiful track to end.  Then I waited for the next track.  Then the next.  Then I realised I did not want to get out of the car. NO! not because it was lovely music.  I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE THE CAR.  Can I manage without bread? Yes.  Can I manage without milk? Yes.  I have porridge and strawberry jam at the flat. Enough for another week of meals.  Why get out and put myself into those other people.  Just pick up the drugs and get back into the flat.  I was trapped in the car!  I did not want to move.  Another driver was watching me from his car.  Old misogynist waiting for the little missus to get the weeks shopping, "Dont forget me fags woman!"   Why have I been sitting here for 15 minutes? he thinks.

I steeled myself and forced my way out of the car.  'Yoghurt, milk, butter, honey, bread', 'Yoghurt, milk, butter, honey, bread' and again 'Yoghurt, milk, butter, honey, bread'.  So why am I in the crackers and biscuits aisle.  Do I want crackers?  Does that mean I have to get a dip?  I panicked.  I was sweating and close to tears.  I didn't know what to do or what I was feeling.  What the fuck is so good about waking up every day!?!  I grabbed the crackers and remembered to get capsicum dip.  I held it together long enough to cash out and get back in the car.  I don't like feeling this way and there is an easy way to avoid it.  STAY INSIDE!!  No people, no decisions, no purpose.  Sounds about right.  Lets get back on the sofa, pull the blanket up, put YouTube on and close your eyes.

1 Comment

  1. Foxy Kerry02/02/2021

    I have moments like this too Tones. But then everyone in Brizzle is a potential Covid carrier so I am worried about how they will breath on me! 😷

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to top